Cue up the instructions for deep breathing and punching air

I rarely have a “bad day” or at least I’m usually able to put a positive spin on days that might not really be that close to good, but today rubbed me all kinds of the wrong way and was, for laziness of a better word, a bad day. I feel anxious and a bit stressed and scatterbrained and a little more frustrated with myself than is my typical state of being. I feel a tension and inner struggle boiling over that yoga and walking in the sun isn’t enough to subdue, though it normally is.

What’s really been eating at me for months is the fact that I have this uncanny lack of focus and direction in life and yet have a desire to dream up plans and mark maps with the routes to take. I’ll paint it like this: there’s me, this little, excited girl, lost in a forest, and instead of taking the man-made path that must lead to somewhere, I choose to run around in circles. This is a terrible analogy, but I’m tired writing and these things happen. The point I’m trying to make is that I’m overwhelmed with the possibilities of what I could do in my not-so-distant future and yet I somehow feel trapped because I don’t know what lead to follow, what path to take, which way to go. And this is only partially true, because given the state of the economy/job market/everyone’s favorite topic, I really don’t know if any of my possible routes will get me anywhere at all.

The processes my brain goes through just to consider where I might want to spend the next two, three, x years of my life is exhausting. And so then there’s me again, only this time I’m not in the woods, I’m just in a room with my stare blank ahead and my mind imagining my head hitting against the wall, again and again.



*Contrary to popular belief, the South isn’t nearly as “dirty” as you may think…

I consider myself a fairly lucky person 3/4 of the time. It’s that other fourth that jabs me, stabs me every few months and when it attacks it tends to get me pretty good. Last week my luck ran out. My hard drive crashed causing me to miss two deadlines for writing contests, I fell up the stairs twice, ripped a hole in the only pair of jeans I brought with me, and the supermarket ran out of the banana cream pie ice cream I was craving to make it all better. For the majority of the population I’m sure this is a minor fatality in the “grand scheme of things”, but, in a period of 48 hours, shit went down and flew my direction.

Now, with the universe back in motion, working in my favor, I have a few more words to say about Atlanta, the dirty south*, and Georgia in list format, of course.

1. Fireflies do, in fact, exist. You know those magical bugs that glow and fly and are all over the place in childhood films? Well, this goes out specifically to all the kids in the Northwest that waste far too many nights searching for these little critters and instead murder slugs with table salt. Apparently, fireflies live in the South, among other places, but not the Northwest.

2. Georgia doesn’t play around with the rain. Yeah, scattered showers, mist, sprinkling…Georgia doesn’t quite roll like that. When it rains it is short and torrential, slightly terrifying, mostly incredible. I’m not entirely certain if this is the usual pattern with southern rain, but from the few instances I’ve been involved in, there is no messing with it.

3. Athens is relatively close to utopia. You do the math: thriving music scene+a wealth of friendly folk+mild to moderate drinking problem with their 70 bars in a three block radius+super cheap+michael stipe+thriving music scene= Athens. Talk to anyone who has been there, lived there, still living there and I’m fairly certain they will all agree with this one. Even Esquire digs Athens–they named The Globe bar one of the best in the nation.

4.Braves fans are not very loyal. I’ve been told this on multiple occasions, so I feel relatively safe rooting for the Red Sox while residing in their territory.

5.Skinterns are hilarious. This has absolutely nothing to do with the city, but, for the record, my co-workers and myself– aka skinterns– are really quite funny people especially when we’re together. Also for the record, the skinterns should NEVER be allowed to have a blog. It would just be bad, bad news.

Like Jerry Springer I have some final thoughts: Lil’ Wayne’s new album is gold. I vow to ghost ride before peace-ing out of this place. Feed the Animals is a work of genius. As a result of my hard drive crash and current album releases, my top five most played on iTunes are all by Lil’ Wayne or Girl Talk.