This project has me feeling weary towards as I’ve come to be both bored and exhausted by the prospect of taking even one more photo of myself. I won’t retire this photo jaunt for good as I am still narcissistically intrigued by the idea of viewing various angles of myself captured semi-consistently over the course of a year, however this is likely to morph into something more closely resembling a weekly vanity. With that said, here’s some of my Daily Vanity from December.
December 12 : : 2010
December 20 : : 2010
December 26 : : 2010
December 29 : : 2010
December 30 : : 2010
I rarely have a “bad day” or at least I’m usually able to put a positive spin on days that might not really be that close to good, but today rubbed me all kinds of the wrong way and was, for laziness of a better word, a bad day. I feel anxious and a bit stressed and scatterbrained and a little more frustrated with myself than is my typical state of being. I feel a tension and inner struggle boiling over that yoga and walking in the sun isn’t enough to subdue, though it normally is.
What’s really been eating at me for months is the fact that I have this uncanny lack of focus and direction in life and yet have a desire to dream up plans and mark maps with the routes to take. I’ll paint it like this: there’s me, this little, excited girl, lost in a forest, and instead of taking the man-made path that must lead to somewhere, I choose to run around in circles. This is a terrible analogy, but I’m tired writing and these things happen. The point I’m trying to make is that I’m overwhelmed with the possibilities of what I could do in my not-so-distant future and yet I somehow feel trapped because I don’t know what lead to follow, what path to take, which way to go. And this is only partially true, because given the state of the economy/job market/everyone’s favorite topic, I really don’t know if any of my possible routes will get me anywhere at all.
The processes my brain goes through just to consider where I might want to spend the next two, three, x years of my life is exhausting. And so then there’s me again, only this time I’m not in the woods, I’m just in a room with my stare blank ahead and my mind imagining my head hitting against the wall, again and again.
Traveling the world conquering every music festival in existence, writing a novel, and learning to love something other than words and sound.
The Big Lebowski, Thank You For Smoking, Fight Club, Garden State, Anchorman, The Boon Dock Saints, High Fidelity and Wristcutters: A Love Story.
Arcade Fire, Sufjan Stevens, The National, The Blow, Regina Spektor, Andrew Bird, Stars, Radiohead, Rilo Kiley, Justice, Beirut, Hot Chip, The Mountain Goats, The Shins, T.Rex, The Decemberists, The Kinks and Kanye West.
How We Are Hungry, Jesus’ Son, Catcher in the Rye, Choke, and A Long Way Down. Also anything McSweeney’s.